never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
