the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
