and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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