I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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