My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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