He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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