Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I AM VODKA MAN
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
