The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
