Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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