she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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