you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
