booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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