I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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