that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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