i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
