I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize