I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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