I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
