The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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