this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
