Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
