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Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
