I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
