did you get engaged???
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize