I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
