I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize