Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
