I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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