i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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