God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
