I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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