He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
