He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
