god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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