Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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