I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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