thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
