He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
