Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
