making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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