Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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