How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
