You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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