clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
