When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
