Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize