its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
