Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
