I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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