I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
