i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
