Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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