I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
