PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
