I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
