waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
