It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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