Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
