you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
