mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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