The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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