maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
