drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
