Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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