I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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