i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
