Screwed.edu
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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