I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
