i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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