i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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