Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
