Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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