oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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