My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
