well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize