I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
