Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
